Hidden Treasure at Wal-Mart

I got mad at God the other day.

Now, don’t get me wrong – I don’t treat my emotions toward God lightly…it takes a lot…a LOT for me to say I’m angry with God.  But, I’d had an exceptionally emotionally-trying day.
I’d just been rejected from ANOTHER job for which I’d interviewed…and I was facing a full shift at work.

So…with these interviews.  I’ve lost count as to how many phone interviews I’ve actually had over the past two years.  I mean, I’ve sent out more resumes then I’ve actually had interviews…but I’ve had a fair number of interviews…enough to make me think….
maybe there’s REALLY something wrong with me.
I mean…every interview SEEMS to go well.   I never finish an interview thinking it was a complete waste of time…that I was was a complete idiot.  Most of the time the committees…or whoever…seem pretty agreeable…dare I say, even excited….with what I have to say.  I feel I present myself in a favorable way….
yet…every…EVERY church I talk with tends to send me the same e-mail….thank you for your interest, but we’ve decided not to move you forward in our search process.  while you are very gifted…we pray you’ll find a church soon….
you get the idea.

So, I’d just had an interview with a church (to remain nameless).  We’d talked via skype (quite an experience) and I hung up feeling fairly confident.  Two days later, I recieved “the e-mail.”

Yes.  I was angry.

I went to work that afternoon (after much self-talk to convince myself it wasn’t worth calling in and wallowing in my own self-pity).  And…I’m actually glad I went to work that day.
Because…despite the fact that I was angry with God (for the seeming lack of direction…lack of ANYTHING)…
I think He showed up that night.

So, there was this kid that came through my line that night….with his dad…or grandfather…kinda hard to know the relationship there.  But this kid says to me….”Look what I found!”  He’s pretty excited and he’s showing me this nickel he found at school that day. I pass a look to his (grand)father and he flashes me this look like he’s sorry his kid is bugging me. 
The kid’s oblivious to this, and he says to me, “It was my lucky day,” and he looks at me and asks, “do you have lucky days?”
And I look back at him and say, “I haven’t had a lucky day in a long time.”
So, I’ve got this line of customers and I’m trying to get through them pretty quickly (I’m on the express lane), so I’m bagging these groceries, and the guy’s trying to collect his stuff, and this kid just keeps talking about his lucky day.
The man tries to edge his way toward the door, but this kid stops and he says, “Here.”  He stretches out his hand and tries to give me his nickel.
And I say, “You don’t have to give me your nickel.”
“Take it,” he says.  “You can have my lucky day.”

I think I stared at him blankly…accepted the nickel…managed a “thank you”….
to be honest, I’m not quite sure what happened after…

I do remember coming home that night and talking to my mom about it…about my latest rejection…about how I feel neglected by God…forgotten…abandoned….

and yet…the more I linger on this kid and his giving of this nickel…the more I realize God may be showing up in random ways…
and I’m not really angry anymore.

There are reasons I’m still in this situation…
maybe it’s the economy…
maybe I’m too stubborn to take the dozens of rejections as a sign that God doesn’t want me in ministy (does God seriously turn people away, like that?)
maybe I’m just applying to the wrong churches…
maybe “my church” just hasn’t had a position open yet…

I don’t know…
but as long as I’m at Wal-Mart…at least I can listen to Mat Kearney every-so-often.