Good Intentions?

I thought it’d be good to do a second February post, though I’m still not sure what may result of it – don’t really have anything particular in mind to say.
I take that back…

I guess it really needs to start with the motivation for this post –
a friend of mine in Northern Ireland is talking about starting a blog, and several suggestions were given her – xanga, blogger…the usuals. (and for some reason I just said ‘usuals’ with a fake NY accent…like Jack Kelly in Newsies…) But it got me to thinking about how irregular I am in updating my blog.

Mom and I watched “Julie and Julia” a couple weeks ago – and it renewed in me a desire to be read, to write something that touches people, that gets people reading. The excitement of being read is contagious…and whatever I’ve tried doing as a writer seems sooooo inconsistent.
I don’t blog regularly…at least not consistently (which I guess is the same thing) – and when I do they’re ramblings and spiritual whinings – which isn’t a bad thing, I guess. And, what few comments I’ve gotten have really boosted my confidence – but I’m a lot like Julie (the movie Julie) in that I’m looking for comments from people I don’t know…I don’t want my mom being the only reader/commenter-giver on my blog…or reader of my stories to always tell me the same thing…’it’s good.’ I want strangers across the country to latch on to what I’m saying….I want REAL feedback, constructive criticism…something I can build on
I want my words to mean something…

All that gets me to the point that my words can’t mean anything if I’m not writing. I just finished Donald Miller’s book, and for the last few chapters he talked about how hard it is to make himself write. And I guess the same thing is true for me…and he says it’s probably true for most writers. (pardon the cliche) It’s like pulling teeth to write, sometimes…It’s hard to get a character to do something…or in my case with blogging – it’s hard to write about the abundance of NOTHING going on in my life right now.
But, I keep remembering that to be a writer, I HAVE to write something.

Taking into account the lack of writing I’ve done lately, especially of the fiction genre – my status as a writer is waning. I remember an interview with John Grisham a couple years ago – he talked about having to write a little EVERY day, or the book will never get written. It’s like anything, you have to train yourself to write a little every day, or you’ll never do it.

It’s been in all the advice I’ve gotten from other writers, too – write, write, write – Tweet, Blog…. keep networking, keep making contacts…eventually you’ll get out there.

I’ve never been a patient person –
Keeps coming up with the job situation…I apply for a job – I want to know NOW what’s going on. This waiting for a month, then waiting for two weeks…then another two weeks is KILLING me!!
I guess the same thing affects me in my writing…I’m tired of putting forth an effort and seeing little-to-no result from it. (And here I go again, whining…)

I guess I just need to be more intentional about finding something to write about – start taking notes on things I see each day – or something…

Living God’s Story Better

If I have a hope, it’s that God sat over the dark of nothing and wrote you and me, specifically, into the story, and put us in with the sunset and the rainstorm as though to say, “Enjoy your place in my story. The beauty of it means you matter… A Million Miles in a Thousand Years –Donald Miller

I’ve been reading Donald Miller’s new book – A Million Miles in a Thousand Years – and I don’t really know where to begin with it all. The book is like a reflection of my life in so many ways – and a projection of what I’d like my life to be…

Don talks a lot about the elements of story –
backup a second…first the premise of the book. Don has been presented with the opportunity to turn his life into a movie…basically his book Blue Like Jazz – which is the first book I read by Don…probably his most read book…
I honestly don’t even remember what the book was about…I DO remember using his chapter of illustrations as a devotional on my second mission trip to Northern Ireland…I remember that book speaking loads to me at the time…
I was in a time of transition back then – just graduating college and facing the world of vocation…

I’m in a similar place as I’m reading Don’s new book – which, as I was saying, is basically a telling of what he discovered about himself as he worked to turn his book into a movie…how he learned about elements that make a good story – and how life is like a story, only we don’t write our story…God does…we’re expected to live it out…

and it’s had me wondering what kind of story God has written out for me…and how I’m living it.
The way I see it, most of my life has been lived on the sidelines. I mean, I have a few chapters where I feel like life has happened in a way God intended…but it’s not a continuous thing.
I have mission trips, camp, worship experiences, travel experiences…things that have gotten me off the couch and had me living with a purpose. As of late…my life’s been…tepid…has been…stale.
And I guess really…I’m waiting for what Don calls the…inciting incident – the thing that happens that forces a character to make a choice…to change something (for better, or worse)… the moment when everything HAS to change…has to move forward.

I guess for me, I feel like that moment comes when I have a job offer – and I’m forced to leave the stale comfort of home, and move to a new ministry position. Maybe it’s happening right now (and I can’t help but get all giddy with anticipation) – maybe a church is deciding I’m the right fit for them, and they want to continue their talks with me. I can only hope so…

I had a phone call today from a church in Macon, GA – and things honestly feel good!! I mean, everything feels positive…and every time I think about it, I feel charged and ready to go.
The job will be a challenge – I don’t expect anything less – but from what I know right now…it just feels right!

I’ve been way too anxious with some of my job options – interviews that I’ve gotten, and I’ve gotten ahead of myself emotionally with things…and it’s all led to letdown and disappointment.
I don’t want that to happen this time…but, hanging up the phone this afternoon, I couldn’t help but feel like…maybe…just maybe…the story is finally moving forward.

It’s like there’s been all this exposition…and I’m finally feeling the climb to some sort of action…and I feel ready to explode. I feel ready to pack, ready to GO…

but it’s still a waiting game.

I have to wonder if God intended for our stories to be so….stop and go. I realize life can’t always be the mountaintop experiences…I can’t always have that spiritual high…
I mean, without the tough stuff, the highs wouldn’t be as sweet…we wouldn’t appreciate them when we have them…

For almost a year, now – I’ve been living a life on hold…I’ve been living in anticipation for the “what’s next” instead of living the “what’s now” – and that’s something I don’t’ think God ever intended.

In his book, Don talks about how he took action to live a better story – he hiked the Inca Trail in Peru, he paddled a kayak down a river for several days to a YoungLife camp, he finally forgave his dad and eventually met him for the first time in 30 years, he started riding a bike…and then rode it cross-country.

While I may not have the same story…I can have the same desire to live a better story. I can finally decide to take action, and get my life moving in a way I feel honors God.

I’ve been thinking up ways to change my story…
and for once, I’m finally thinking my life COULD be different…and maybe finally have ways to MAKING it different.
And while I’m hesitant to put things in writing just yet….
picture me running a marathon (maybe a half-marathon)
picture me on stage (somewhere) with a guitar in hand, in front of a microphone

Just picture me different….
maybe not physically (at least not JUST physically) – but all-around different.

It makes me excited…

I feel written. You can call it God or a conscience, or you can dismiss it as that intuitive knowing we all have as human beings; but there is a knowing I feel that guides me toward better stories, toward being a better character. I believe there is a writer outside ourselves, plotting a better story for us, interacting with us even, and whispering a better story into our consciousness. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years — Donald Miller