I will NOT use my faith like a lucky charm

I had some thoughts…but can’t seem to put them into words right now.
I try not to post just because things don’t seem to be going my way – but it’s during those times I tend to find the need to write.

I’m not even sure that things are really as bad as I think they are…because hind sight usually has me seeing better than before…

Back to the whole idea of testing the waters…trying all the doors to see if one opens…
okay, I can’t think of any other metaphors for this job hunt thing…
anyway – I applied to be an admissions counselor at Asbury. I saw the job posting on the school website a few weeks ago. I ignored it then. But last week I checked back and decided to fill out the application.
I got all excited thinking I was perfect for the job – thinking I had a lot to bring to the table…
today I check the website and see the job has been taken off the site – so my first conclusion is that the job has been filled.
So, I start getting all downcast, and hard-hearted… I’m starting to think God’s got it out for me…like a huge practical joke or something…
He’s just loving the struggle I’m having right now…

Nevermind the e-mail I got this morning from a church in New Jersey about wanting to schedule an interview with me for a youth ministry position. Nevermind the e-mail I got from the editor of Interlinc curriculum telling me he’d love me to volunteer as a writer for them – that I have a gift for communicating through the written word…
nevermind all that…

My brain sticks with the idea that my comfort may be disrupted – that I may not have a job at Asbury like I was picturing for myself…

So, tonight – after a day of contemplation with this job in NJ – I e-mailed the committee to schedule an interview for next week. I’m so tired of feeling like everything I feel qualified for…everything I feel like I’m doing in seeking God’s will…just isn’t enough.

And then it got me thinking about something else…
the idea that my quiet time with God isn’t so routine…is more like a rabbit’s foot when things seem to turn around just a little.
My faith is not something that can be turned on and off in good times and bad…
my faith is not something I can put on the back burner and leave simmering when I’m tired, or frustrated, or….

my faith is what makes me…my trusting in Christ to pull me through the muck is what defines me as a person.
Just because I don’t pull my Bible out every night to read doesn’t mean I believe any less.

i try to maintain a constant attitude of prayer. I try to maintain a mindset that would be pleasing to God –
I fill my head and heart with music I feel worships and praises the God of Creation…
I surround myself with people that not only support me and believe in what I believe…but also help to challenge me and urge me to grow in that faith.

So, why is it so easy to use my faith like a lucky charm?? Why do I tend to neglect the Bible sitting by my bedside??

I read on the Asbury site that Dr. Brown is on the committee to produce a C.S. Lewis study Bible – a Bible with excerpts from Lewis’ writing to aid in understanding and study!
There’s another Bible set to be released this year (I think) written by people all over the country – actually printed in human handwriting. Some company went around the country and had people sign up for verses…each verse is written by someone different.

Why do we need these (gimmicks?) to urge people to read the Word of God???