I have been thinking a lot about this whole writing thing….and ministry thing. Most of this has really been a simmering pot in the back of my mind…and finally last night…and today it’s all really started to boil over. Contribute it all to the rejection I got from the church in Detroit. Contribute it to my inability to feel confident about my direction in life. Contribute it to God’s unwillingness to have me settle…
I mean, I definitely feel a calling into ministy – there’s no question about that. I guess my confusion comes with the form that my ministry will take…is supposed to take.
Now, I’ve always had a passion for working with teens – but I’m wondering if my passion for Christian music outweighs the passion I have for teens – and if a passion for something is enough to completely chang directions. Everything in me says ‘yes.’
(and this is all connected to the writing thing, I promise)
I remember having a discussion with Dr. Budd back in the day about how people place too much emphasis on passion for something – rather than placing importance on calling…
and that morphed into some kind of decision/discussion as to how our calling fits our passions, etc.
Last night – Ernie Haase and Signature Sound came to Lexington – did an amazing! AMAZING!!! concert! I’m totally in my element when it comes to concerts and music that proclaims the Truth of Christ! Great music, people worshipping – there’s just something special about it and I’m completely pulled in everytime! The atmosphere, the music, the lifestyle – everything about it appeals to me, my nature, my desires!
At the show last night, before the guys got on stage, I made a passing comment to my mom about representing the group as their writer – taking a job blogging for them, keeping websites updated (facebook, etc.), newsletter writing, etc. (All of this followed a comment my grandfather made – “You’ll be up there singing tenor for the group one day” – still not sure what he’s thinking…like I have THAT great of a singing voice…barely even good…NOT even good). But, this idea was never something that really ever occurred to me as something that I could or should seriously consider pursuing.
But all day today the idea hasn’t left my head.
I’ve continually asked myself…what if? How could I…???
Is this seriously something I could consider pursuing…and most importantly…HOW could I pursue this?
I’ve conisidered ministry to youth a calling. And while I’ve had some experience in the field – I wonder if that’s enough to pull me back in? After talking with a professor this past semester, I’ve come to a new understanding concerning calling – and how not-so-fixed a calling (or the scope of a calling) may be. While I’ve felt a calling into ministry – I’m STILL not so sure I’m cut out for full-time church ministry.
I mean, a big reason I’ve taken to applying for church jobs as of late is really to serve as a bridge to a full-time writing career of some sort down the road.
How could I manage to take that bridge and bypass it all together? Where could I begin NOW writing – and feeling like my calling is being fulfilled?
I’ve always dreamed of working with Christian musicians – traveling, working PR, even just selling merchandise or something… I think the life would be exciting, would be challenging, would really just open so much up for me…
but again…where do I go from here? I mean…I’d hate to think I’ve had these dreams/desires so long…to think it’s all really just a pipe dream. I don’t think it is.
So, where do I go from here?
Do I contact artists directly? Do I contact managers? Do I contact record labels? Do I stick with applying for ministry/church jobs and forget this idea as a fleeting moment of starry eyed flappability??
I mean, I don’t really want to forget that I JUST spent a year of my life earning a creative writing degree just to go back to something that, while I feel called to some degree, frustrated me on so many levels.
I think I’m just going to decide to go for it – just see what can happen over the next couple weeks.
I mean, the last time I applied for ministry jobs – I sent out at least 10 resumes and NEVER heard from one church. This time around, I’ve already sent out that many – and maybe a few more. I’ve had four interviews (2 interviews for 2 different churches – which is further than I got last time btw). I’ve heard from one that they don’t think the fit is right. I’m still waiting to hear from the other church. Just the other day I sent out two more resumes for church programs (still with the questions to desire/fit/calling running through my head).
So, while I’m looking for that, what’s the harm in trying to make contact about some other stuff?
I mean, the best way to discover God’s leading is to try ALL the doors, right??
This is what it feels like... 
